Episode 010: Pattie Rydlun: How this Renegade’s One Brave Decision Altered the Course of her Life Forever
Listen to the episode and access the show notes here.
Dawn Gluskin: Hello and welcome back to another episode of Bare Naked Radio. I am your host, Dawn Gluskin, and today you are in for a treat. She is feisty. She is funny. She is full of wisdom and amazing. She’s my friend and you would never believe that she is 72. Pattie Rydlun, welcome to the show. Say “Hello.”
Pattie Rydlun: Hi. Hi Dawn. Hi everybody. I’m so happy to be here today. Thank you.
Dawn Gluskin: So excited to have you. If you don’t know Pattie yet, she has an unmistakable message around work, business, retirement, and life in general. She believes that you can accomplish your goals with relish at any age. Pattie will tell you about the joys of getting older. It’s true. And she will make you laugh with her stories. She discounts, dismisses, and derides those traditional thoughts about being 70 and she does it all with a smile. She’s essentially a renegade who obliterates those age-old myths by living with zest, vibrancy, and the overwhelming desire to make a difference. And she does this through her coaching practice and she shares openly on her daily Facebook Lives called “Good Morning Renegades.” And I’m so excited to have you here! Yay, Pattie!
Pattie Rydlun: Yay Dawn! I’m happy, too.
Dawn Gluskin: We’ve known each other for a little while now. We’ve spent some time getting to know each other in a mastermind and a group coaching program and we’ve had some really interesting conversations.
Pattie Rydlun: Yes, we have.
Dawn Gluskin: We always kind of start out just getting to know you a little bit so our Naked listeners can kind of get an idea of what you’re about. I know that you are so passionate about women stepping into their power and aging powerfully. I know that you have so many stories, but give us a little bit of background, a little peek into your life, and how you got here today, and how this became your mission.
Pattie Rydlun: Okay. I, of course, being 72, have quite a bit experience. I was a teacher for 20 years and then got a freelance job – writing. And from there I went into corporate and was in corporate for 20 years. I left corporate after 20 years, so I was about 62? Maybe 10 years ago. Like so many people that are that age, I realized that it was such a missing not to have work, right? Because I ran a $20,000,000 company with seven direct reports and would get all the work out and with a smile and we had a great team wherever I worked. All of a sudden, there was nothing. I went from “woosh” to nothing.
Dawn Gluskin: “So now what?”
Pattie Rydlun: Exactly. And I floundered. I was, like, “Well, maybe I’ll freelance and maybe I’ll go back to teaching for awhile and maybe I’ll coach.” That was what it was. I did freelancing for a while, but I was so committed to helping women, as you said and I’ve said often, to stand in their power because not only did certain things happen to me, but also to women around me. That was my first thing. I started out with women’s life coaching, which evolved into career transition coaching, which evolved to where I am now. I want women to stand in their power and to age powerfully, so that we can do anything we want at any age, whether you’re in your twenties, thirties, seventies, eighties, even nineties. But it was probably one of the more difficult career things for me to stop working and to then find my way. I’m thrilled to be where I am today.
Dawn Gluskin: That’s awesome. And I know that because you are 72, you’ve lived through so much and you’ve seen so much in your lifetime. And of course now women really are stepping into their power like we’ve never seen before in our history. You can see women stepping up in the workplace. You can see women stepping up in politics. You can see women speaking out and not taking it any more with the women’s marches and the Me Too movement and Time’s Up. There’s all this stuff going on on the planet where women really are stepping up. As someone who is seeing the progression of time from how it used to be to how it is now and where we’re going in the future: what is your take on all that? Where we’ve come from, where we are now, where are we going? How do you see it?
Pattie Rydlun: Yeah. It’s so funny that you’re talking about that because I talked about that yesterday and today, stemming from Women’s International Day. This morning I just said that I want this to really take hold and make a difference because I’ve seen it almost happen too many times. All way back in the 60’s. I was in graduate school and it was this big women’s movement. I remember also another great movement against racism. One of my best friends in graduate school was a black young woman and I said, “Listen, you’re way ahead of the game. You are in the right place. All this is going to change and the world is yours.” But, you know what? It wasn’t. I’ve seen it too many times. When I went to high school, we couldn’t even play basketball. We could only bounce the ball twice and then we had to pass it.
Dawn Gluskin: Was that just for the women?
Pattie Rydlun: Just women. We were too fragile to play like the boys.
Dawn Gluskin: “Bounce the ball then pass it to a boy. He knows what to do with it.” Okay, got it.
Pattie Rydlun: You know, all these crazy things. And I want to say a couple of things about this movement that: please make it happen now! I want to be a part of it. I want to see it happen. What do I have, maybe I have 30 years left, but we have to make it happen. It’s interesting because I’ll go out and demonstrate, I want to help people get elected, whatever it takes. I want to see it happen because we’ve been on the brink and then we go back. We’ve been on the brink and then we go back. The second thing about this movement is whatever progress we make – I’m about to get a little teary because it’s so important to me. Whatever progress we make going forward now, we’re really standing on the shoulders of all the women before us.
Dawn Gluskin: Oh my gosh, yes. Because it’s just building and building. Progress is an interesting thing, to your point, because you’re right, we do make progress. We make these big leaps ahead and then – I don’t know what happens, if it’s complacency or maybe because it really needs to be a deeper healing as a collective consciousness; to really getting to heal the root of the problem. Women can vote and there’s been things in the workplace but we’re still not making the same amount of money and we’re still not represented in politics. The proportions are so disproportionate. There’s so much more progress that we can make and there’s still a lot of healing that needs to be done – the way it’s been, what women have roles we’ve been put in and what we put up with and the men, too. Not that they’re to blame because they’ve learned from society how to treat and how to show up. So much healing. It has to go really deep. You’re right, it’s happening and there’s still more work to do.
Pattie Rydlun: Yes. And it was so interesting because yesterday when I was at this networking meeting, I didn’t talk about my business or anything. I just talked about women standing in their power, doing what we can at whatever age. And I was so happy because the reaction from the men that were there was so phenomenally great and so supportive that I just had to go hug them all because we need to be unified on that point and not pulling each other apart. You know, it has to be a working together.
Dawn Gluskin: It’s not us against them. And it makes sense, from an evolutionary standpoint, that there needs to be an even ground like there wasn’t before. There are biological differences. Well, the obvious ones! Men tend to be stronger physically. If you go way back in history, the men had to go out and do the labor. And, of course, women bear the children. Again, biology. So we can’t ignore the biology. It makes sense that the woman has the children and stays home and takes care of them and all that. But nowadays in the digital world and where we regress to – those old paradigms don’t make any sense anymore. We have to catch up with the times and it’s time for equality and all of that stuff. But it’s still there. It’s present. The old ways of being.
Pattie Rydlun: Yes, yes. On that very point, it’s important also not to throw out the things that work with going forward. I can remember years ago, always telling women who would come back into the workforce, who would come to me to interview for a job, I would say, “Listen, be proud of all the skills you have running a household.” I heard a man the other day – and I’m going to forget. I’m so sorry. I can’t remember his name. He would be thrilled if I mentioned his name, but he made the point which was so great. He said, “When I cook dinner, I cook dinner. That’s it. I have everything in front of me. My wife cooks dinner. She makes sure the kids are doing their homework. She answers any phone calls.” He named, like, five or six things and I was like, “Yes, that’s what we do. We are such task-oriented people and so organized and so skilled.” I don’t want us to throw that out because we have that.
Dawn Gluskin: What I’m hearing in there is to still celebrate our differences and acknowledge our differences. Women are the nurturers and men are strong. And men can also nurture and women can be strong. It doesn’t have to be in a box. Still celebrate what you different and don’t let it put you in a box. It’s really what the conversation is.
Pattie Rydlun: Yes. And to remember how many skills that you actually have.
Dawn Gluskin: Yeah. And then you see a lot of men stepping up, too. Sometimes, the woman goes to work and runs a business or whatever and the man stays home and takes care of the house. It’s beautiful. They can do an incredible job and hurray for them for getting themselves out of that box.
Pattie Rydlun: I’ve seen that, more and more, I would say probably the last 20 years that I was in corporate and even now I hear it more and more: how often the woman is the person who goes to work. I remember one of my executive editors, we hired her and her husband was a Stay-At-Home Dad. She did all the work. It’s good to see because it’s a better sharing, I think. And not, like you say those boxes, those stereotypical roles that you’re supposed to take. I think they’re still around, but I think, like you’re saying, we’ve got to get out of those boxes.
Dawn Gluskin: Yeah. I agree completely. We also have to look at it from a place of encouragement and how can we grow in what’s the best for the planet, what’s the best for our family, and look at it from that lens. There’s a lot of anger out there, which I get. Sometimes it’s “feminists” get a bad name because “Why are you hating men and why are you so angry?” I’m not angry. I would say I’m a feminist because I think women should have equal rights. But I do get why there’s that anger out there. I’m not saying it’s healthy or it’s really helping, but I get it because women have been treated a certain way for such a long time – in the workplace and getting constantly harassed. It just becomes a way of being, you just kind of deal with it and accept it. And we’re kind of pissed off, like, “I’m tired of it. I’m not taking your shit anymore.” I think once we move past that is when the real progress will start to take place.
Pattie Rydlun: I agree. Part of me wonders whether it can really ever, ever be be done with. For now, I think they’re still be some vestiges of that hanging on. And what’s interesting for me is that I really left because of how women left corporate because they were stepped over for promotions. I can tell you a story about a man in this company. He came in every morning with his New York Times, closed his door, read the paper, and then he got promoted to an even higher position. It’s a little difficult and there was nothing that could be done about it. So, it’s those kinds of things, which I was, like, “That’s why I’m going to be a coach. I’m going to help women. I’m done with this.” I still am obviously passionate about that. All this other stuff with the Me Too movement. Some things were just – I was told and other women were told, “Well that’s how it is.”
Dawn Gluskin: Yeah. “Just deal with it. That’s how it is. They’re just boys being boys.”
Pattie Rydlun: It should not be.
Dawn Gluskin: That movement is so powerful. And of course that’s what, on Bare Naked, we’re all about: being raw and real and vulnerable. All these women that are stepping up and these wounds that they have been holding onto for lifetimes, for decades. All that pain. It’s very healing that it’s coming to the surface. And now, people get it. I think men are starting to get it because they didn’t understand before. Because they, too, have that underlying message. “That’s just how it is.” You get a pat on the back, as a man, when you act this way. I love that it’s all coming to the surface because you have to feel it to heal it. And it’s out there. It’s messy right now, but I do see progress. It’s beautiful and I love it. I love that you’re seeing it in your lifetime. Like you said, “I want to see this, I want to see it happening.” It’s going to be a continued evolution. We can go deeper. I’m really, really excited about our future. Our Millennials, our children. How they’re stepping up and showing up. I think the future is bright, I really do.
Pattie Rydlun: I was really confident in 1967. All these years, I was, “Okay, let’s see if it sticks.” And I do feel it’s different this time. I do feel that the openness and the younger generations, along with the old – this multi generational push to me is phenomenal – that we’re all working together and with men who get it. I had a really couple of good male friends in the business. I didn’t tell a lot of people but I was let go from one of my jobs and I was mortified. Of course, got another job right away. This was before I ran the $20,000,000 company and was the president and then before that, vice president and then president. But so I was talking to this friend of mine and I was telling him this story and I said, “Oh yeah, we had a meeting and this guy put his hands on my shoulders as we’re leaving. And I turned around and I said to him, ‘You put your hands on my shoulder again… My boyfriend’s a lawyer. I’ll be after you.'” So my friend, who’s a guy, he looks at me and he goes, “And you wondered why you were let go months later? And I was, like, “Oh, I never made the connection.” Those little, I don’t want to call them “little”, but those things happened. And like we were saying before, it’s almost like it was just accepted that that’s how it goes.
Dawn Gluskin: I’m assuming your reaction to that man wasn’t just about him. It was probably about all the other ones before. You were finally in a position of power where you can be like, “I’m not taking it anymore.”
Pattie Rydlun: What makes me think when all this news from women has come out – I think about myself and I’m certainly not on such a level where some women were so harassed and so assaulted. But I think that this behavior is still so pervasive. I think it’s changing, but, you know, much more than I think we could ever imagine.
Dawn Gluskin: And so much of it has been brought to the surface, which I know a lot of people are angry about. I look at it a little bit differently. Of course, we have our president, President Trump, love him or hate him. He’s here to cause a shift on this planet. I really do believe. That his way of being, while clearly I’m not a fan of his behavior, I’ll just put that out there was out there. Like, at all.
Pattie Rydlun: Ditto. Ditto.
Dawn Gluskin: Let’s just put that out there. However, the way he’s behaving is bringing the spotlight on this and people are standing up and saying, “This is not okay.” They’re shining the spotlight and you have to bring light to the darkness to heal it. I feel like he’s stepping up and playing a role. His role as the villain, depending on “what side you’re on”, but serving a role. I think as a on a planetary level, as a collective consciousness level. He’s drawing attention to the way things have always been. The people that have been in the closet about it or being more vocal and then the opposing side. Like, no, we’re not taking this crap anymore. And that’s why you see what’s happening. You got to kind of get people pissed off into action, I guess, because we become so complacent. To your point of why there was movement in the 60’s and it was probably like, “Okay, we made some progress. Let’s just chill now and hang out.” Now people are it feeling it again.
Pattie Rydlun: Yeah. Well, I believe that for change to happen – I make the analogy to a pendulum, where it’s swinging back and forth. That it’s got to go to the extreme and then it’ll come and settle in the middle. Do you know what I mean? When everything settles down. But I think we always need to go on that side of – whether it’s having anger about the situation or a fed-up-ness about the situation. Whatever it is, that pendulum swing all the way up and I just wanted to come back to the center. Everything has changed for the better.
Dawn Gluskin: I do see it. I see it and I feel it and I do see progress being made and we still have work to do. I have two young daughters, a 10 year old girl and 5 year old so for the future for them – I’m so hopeful and they don’t have to deal with a lot of stuff that I’ve had to and that you’ve had to and the generations before us. It’s already changed so much. If I think about my grandmother and great-grandmother and all the stuff they had to deal with – we have progressed and there’s work to do.
Pattie Rydlun: I don’t have any children but I have grand-stepdaughters and I’ve got grand-nieces. I worry about them. The oldest one is 15. I want everything to be solved for them before they step up and into the world. It is different already. So that’s a good thing. But I think it’s really important that the history of it all, that they remember. I tell them all the time, like, “Things were different. You’re very lucky about where you are. You can make even better changes for women.”
Dawn Gluskin: Yeah, absolutely. I know you’ve got an amazing book and we’ve talked about this before, just talking about all the stuff you’ve seen. I think whenever it gets published, it’s going to be a real gem just to see the world through your eyes and what the progress you’ve made as a woman that’s risen up the corporate ladder and has seen all the changes in the women’s movement. You’re still active in it now, like you said. It’s really interesting and fun perspective that you have. On Bare Naked Radio, we love to talk about fears and failures and heartache and all that stuff that sometimes people don’t like to talk about. We like to sweep it under the rug. But I think there’s also something beautiful about bringing it out into the open because people can hear your stories and you’re like, “Oh my god. You, too? it’s not just me. I’m not suffering alone?” Also to hear how we overcome our life obstacles. That’s something inspiring. You told me before the show, you don’t get to be 72 without heartache and failure. What is coming up for you? Something you’ve overcome, an obstacle, a failure, a fear, some heartache you’ve had in your life, and how you’ve transformed through it or survived and thrived afterwards.
Pattie Rydlun: There’s some things I have, to be honest, I’ve never even shared. Just getting to 70 or 75 or whatever it is, you accrue, whether you want to or not, so much experience and so much valuable information. It’s easier for me to even tell my nephew, who’s working 16 hours a day, which I did for a year and then I was physically ill, that you should not do that to yourself. But sometimes when you speak to younger people, they’re, “Oh, yeah, I can listen, but you know, this is different, this is different.”
Dawn Gluskin: We have to make our own mistakes.
Pattie Rydlun: So I’m, like, “Okay. Go for it.” I got married at a young age. That’s probably one of the most traumatic things that happened to me because it was not to a person who turned out not to be a good person. I’ve never spoken about it, but it was such a traumatic thing for me because it was abuse, physical and emotional. I’m one of the lucky ones because I had a family who was so supportive, who actually would say things like, “I’m praying for you to leave. We’re here for you.” I was steeped in my faith. I said, “How can I do this?” I was born and raised Catholic.
Dawn Gluskin: Yup, me too. I get it. “You’re married forever, it’s a sin.”
Pattie Rydlun: Yeah. But I had a very wise father who said to me, “I’m your father and I would never hurt you. Do you think God wants you to be in a situation where you’re hurt?” That was it for me. I got it. I help by giving donations of money because, after all these years, it’s still a difficult thing for me to hear about and see. I’m generous that way, but I think that the older I get – I don’t know how to change that situation as far as giving people the support that I had, having that loving family that’s like, “No, no, no. You don’t stand that. You get out.” And whereas I dated a man years ago after this happened and I knew him as a friend for about five years and then we started to date. We were talking about marriage and I had to say to him, “I have something to tell you.” Here’s what we don’t know about ourselves – some people will privately ask me to talk to some people they know. Here’s the thing, if you go through that, you can always survive and make yourself move on. And someone gave me really good advice. They said, “Embrace what happened to you.” And I use that in any and every aspect of my life, whether it’s embracing the business not going well, it’s embracing a career change. But I had to embrace that whole situation that happened to me. And then I could move on. And so when I was dating this fella, I told him I had to tell him something and I told him. And he said, “Oh my gosh, Pattie, this is what you went through.” Here’s the key operative sentence. I said, “Well, it wasn’t as bad as what other women go through.” And it took him saying to me, “Do you get that you really are an abused woman if you can say that sentence?” And that’s it. It’s that self-knowledge that’s so important. Because I was, like, “Oh, he’s right.” So I stopped saying that because it was just such an “A-ha” moment for me. In that respect, I’m embracing everything that happened to me. In life, you just have to be open to [the experience where] you never know where that one person is going to say the right thing to you to change your life for the better, to show you an insight, to say, “This is so.” You get that “A-ha” moment. You really have to be open to it.
Dawn Gluskin: People show up in our lives. In miracles, they call them spiritual relationships and that’s when people come up in your life to teach you something or reflect something to you. Yeah, if you’re open to it, we’d probably have those encounters every day or fairly often. There are so many gems in what you said. Pattie, the way I see you is, you’re just this woman of incredible strength and independence, just fun and feisty and you’re not taking anyone’s crap and I’m, like, “Yes! I love you.” And in your history, you were not that. You were someone who stayed in the relationship and didn’t know the way out and putting up with things no one should ever have to put up with it. For anyone else who is in some kind of struggle or in that kind of situation, you can get to the other side of it. Not only can you get to the other side of it, but you can find superpowers once healed from it
. Once you’re away from it, it really gives you your strength. We often talk about turning your “mess” into your message or transmuting your pain into your power and you’re such a beautiful example of that. Thank you for sharing and being so open with us today.
Pattie Rydlun: Yes, it’s interesting and it’s only taken me a few years. I want others, especially women, to know that you can always surmount all these things that happened to you. We all have that inner strength within us. When you need it, it’s always there. It’s always there.
Dawn Gluskin: I know when you’re in it, sometimes it doesn’t feel like that. “That’s easy for you to say but I’m in it and it’s so hard.”
Pattie Rydlun: Believe me, I was in it!
Dawn Gluskin: Our “it”s are all different but we’ve all been in. “Why does the universe hate me?? What did I do?”
Pattie Rydlun: I used to think I was living in a movie. Like, “this only happens in movies.”
Dawn Gluskin: But just take a step at a time – that was you reaching out to the family and then the next step and the next step. And then before you know it, just keep stepping and then you’re looking back in the rear view mirror and this all behind you. Just get into action and get moving.
Pattie Rydlun: Yes. And what I like to tell people, too, is whether it’s anything personal and emotional or career-wise or even age-wise or whatever, it’s not like you make this decision and then it’s, like, “I just feel so sunshine-y.”
Dawn Gluskin: It’s a process.
Pattie Rydlun: You take it day-to-day and all of a sudden you realize, “Wow, I didn’t think about that today.” It’s like this little butterfly on your shoulder, so gentle and you realize you’re at peace. And I think that’s the goal: peace in our hearts and our mind and our spirit.
Dawn Gluskin: I love that you say that because we all want that instant gratification.
Pattie Rydlun: That doesn’t happen!
Dawn Gluskin: But no, you have to get through it, you have to trudge your way through the mud.
Pattie Rydlun: But you know what? I like to tell people, “We’re like fine pieces of silver.” It gets nicked and then you polish it and it gets like black and you have to polish it. But all of those things contribute to this beautiful patina. That’s how I look at us. All the things that happened to us – we take them and they make us fuller and richer and deeper and more beautiful.
Dawn Gluskin: That is beautiful. Well, Pattie, I absolutely adore you and I can talk to you all day. The time always goes by so fast on this show. And I’m, like, “Oh, no!” But this is the time in the show where we get to promote you. If you are loving on Pattie, I’m going to let her tell you what she’s up to and where you can find her on social media and how you can connect with.
Pattie Rydlun: Okay, great. My website is pattierydlun.com. You can hop on there. I have some stuff about habits. You put your email in, but I hope you go there because I am writing “50 Ways to Age Like a Renegade” download that I’m gonna offer for free. And then, of course, I’ll keep you posted on my book which is going to be done by the end of the year and out there. Also, I would love it if you would join me on Facebook live because I talk about business, I talk about life, I talk about getting older and you know that you can be a renegade at any age. I’m on Facebook, Twitter. It’s all Pattie Rydlun. And Instagram. I’m on Instagram as well. Thank you so much, Dawn, for this opportunity to talk and to tell you about where I’m at. So, thank you.
Dawn Gluskin: Yes, yes, yes. And of course you can always go to barenakedradio.com and click Pattie’s show and then all her links and everything will be there. We make it nice and easy for you. Pattie, thank you so much. I adore you and your fun, feisty energy and I’m, like, “That’s me when I’m 70.”
Pattie Rydlun: That’s you now! You’re wonderful. Thank you so much. I love you, too.
Listen to the episode and access the show notes here.
